“Oh, that today you would hear his voice, do not harden your hearts…”
-Ps 95:7-8
Each of us has experienced the call to serve in music ministry. Perhaps it was obvious and easy: the choir director invited you to join, and you attended the very next rehearsal.
My own response to the call was hesitant, uncertain, and drawn out. The parish I attended at the time had a tiny volunteer music ministry. One of the volunteers, a wonderful older gentleman who sang and played guitar, single-handedly coordinated music at the parish. One Sunday, he made an announcement after Mass stating that there was a dire need for musicians. There were Masses that didn’t have any musicians, and he himself was covering multiple Masses each weekend.
As I listened to him speak, it registered in my brain that I was a professional musician who was literally sitting in the pews every Sunday. In addition, I had noticed that there was a grand piano at the front of the church that was never even played.
Still, I tried to ignore his plea. Surely, there were others who could help. As I sat in my pew, I tried to freeze in place like a statue so as to avoid any attention. Was anyone looking at me? If I moved, someone might interpret it as a reaction to the announcement.
The phrase “hardened heart” seems to work quite well here.
I justified staying in the pews by telling myself that I didn’t want to be away from my husband and children – then six and five years old – during Mass. While this was a valid excuse, I still sensed that I may be feeling called. So I knelt in my pew after Mass and earnestly begged God to take the desire from me.
Finally, after two additional Sunday announcements, and a significant amount of additional interior resistance, I couldn’t take it anymore. I walked up to the wonderful gentleman, introduced myself, and told him that I could serve at one Mass per month.
When the Lord called me to serve Him, He did not speak directly into my ear with His own voice. Rather, He used the voice of the wonderful gentleman to touch my heart. These words created a feeling of restlessness within me that would not cease until I finally accepted the call. In the familiar words of St. Augustine, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”
During the first Mass at which I served, the only way I could describe how I felt was that there had been a missing puzzle piece in my heart.
My heart had just needed to soften to make it fit.
Dear Lord, thank you for inviting me to serve you through music. Thank you for giving me the grace to say yes. Please help me to remember that following your call is not a one-time event, but rather a continuous response. Please guide me to continue to say yes as I grow and change, and also when I feel weak or unworthy. Lord, please be my strength. Please allow me to share your unending love with others as I work to fulfill your beautiful calling in my life. Amen.
“Help me listen, Holy Spirit. Come and speak to me.”
-Sacred Silence (Tom Booth, Jenny Pixler, and Anthony Kuner)
